Jail Time
by Foxgurl
Summary: Sequel to Yaoi Manga. HikaruKaoru oneshots. So what really does happen to deliquent little boys who steal puppies? They go to jail of course! And who better to explain the psychology behind it than Kaoru?
1. Jail Time

A/N: Hey all, I'm back... sorta. lol, Well, my sister slept over in my room and she was going over my short flukes of HikaruKaoruness and was like, "Noooo, it ended! Wahh! You need to write more." So I retorted and said, "You'd have to give me a completely random topic so that I could spew randomness." The first thing she said was, "Jail." 

Sooooooooooooooooo, jail it is. It's ok, I really need something random to pop up so I can get really inspired. Hehe, but until then, here you guys go!

JAIL By: Kit 

"Hey Hikaru, have you read the news lately? These two guys went to jail because they stole a puppy."

Shocking orange hair swayed as the boy being addressed nodded and made a noise of acknowledgement, staring boredly at his twin who sat contently at his computer. Kaoru's gaze was set solely on the screen and for the briefest of moments, Hikaru could have sworn the boy he ogled at bore an almost demonic smirk.

"Yeah so?" he commented dryly, flopping over onto his back.

The concept of crude iron bars isolating you from the rest of humanity wasn't something Hikaru found particularly enticing. Kaoru twirled slightly in the rotating chair, a grin fixated upon his normally angelic features. He paused, looked thoughtful, then flung himself from the chair, bringing his computer down with him. The elder twin sighed in frustration as he was used as a pillow.

"Why Hikaru, you startle me. Don't you _know_ what happens to young men who are thrown into jail...?" Kaoru mused.

Hikaru didn't necessarily like the gleam in his brother's eye.

"Is it vital to my health to know?" he retorted.

Kaoru giggled then scooted over to show his brother the web page he was on.

"It's all rather fascinating, actually, when people are cut off from the rest of the world in a box with about a thousand other people of the same sex. Psychology starts to kick in, you know. Humans crave sexual relations. It's right up there with our physiological needs to eat and sleep."

Hikaru frowned.

"Are you going to be making a point soon, Kaoru? You're boring me," he said, causing his twin to pout adorably.

"Everything I say has a point and should be taken completely serious," he snapped, "After all I'm going to rule the world someday."

Hikaru grinned and hit his brother on the head, stealing the computer. He immediately regretted it, however. Many explicit pictures adored the page, some that even made the deviant Hikaru blush a bright red. He almost blanched as he felt the computer plummet from his hands towards the floor.

"Karou!" he squeaked, trying to shove the laptop as far away as possible with his foot, "That was practically porno!! XXX RATED PORNO!!! Not to mention... they were all MEN!"

Kaoru allowed his lower lip to jut out in annoyance.

"Hikaru, you're so mean! You could have just broke my computer!" he whined, going over to gently cradle the PC in his arms.

"You could have just broke my fragile mentality! URGH!!!" the older twin sputtered, face still a lovely shade of crimson.

"Oh control yourself, you're such a baby."

Hikaru burst into a fit of nervous laughter.

"Control myself?! Control myself, you say?! Sure! I'll control myself! After all, it's not like my baby brother is looking up GAY PORN!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." he muttered, trying to collect his sanity.

Kaoru just stared at him resentfully.

"It's not gay porn, it's what happens to the guys who steal innocent little puppies! They go to jail and 'cause the men in jail have no sexual interaction with women, they go for the next best thing."

Hikaru stared intently at his brother's serious expression.

"That's gay."

"No, it's psychology."

"No, Kaoru, that's gay."

"No, Hikaru, it's the human's basic instinct. It's natural."

"Kaoru, THAT IS NOT NATURAL!"

Kaoru smirked and leaned closer to his brother, waving the computer screen in front of his face.

"Ouuuuuuuuu, maybe Hikaru-kun is _intrigued_ but doesn't wanna admit it!" he crooned, quickly pulling the computer away before Hikaru could snatch it.

"Kaoru, if you were any more queer, I'd be worried about you," he spat.

Kaoru just smiled and set his computer to the side, going to wrap his arms around his brother's shoulders. He smirked as Hikaru's blush failed to leave his face but instead, began to radiate even brighter.

"Awwww, Hikaru, you're blushing!" he gushed, snuggling up to his twin.

Hikaru felt his breath quicken as Kaoru slowly nuzzled his cheek. So close...

"You know," Kaoru sighed, gently twirling his finger around Hikaru's loose hair, " I've been thinking. Maybe we should get a puppy."

Hikaru could see where this was going. Smirking, he rolled over onto his back so that his younger twin rested easily on his stomach, smiling down at him.

"Kaoru, you known darn well that we don't have the money just sitting around to buy a puppy," he said, sarcasm hanging from every word.

Of course they had money. They were up there with several famous fashion icons... Ralph Lauren... Calvin Klein...

Kaoru's smile never slipped from his face.

"Wellllll, we could always... _borrow_ one."

"That means we're stealing."

"Well, if you perceive it that way, yeah, we're kinda stealing."

"Which means we go to jail."

"Which means sexual frustration."

"Which means we commit taboo and have sex."

"Which means, it will be amazing."

The twin glanced at each other briefly before feeling their faces split into two identical grins. They quickly gave each other a high five, beaming away.

"Alright!"

End

A/N: Bear with me, guys, I'll give you something worthwhile soon I promise!


	2. Lingerie

A/N: TT Oh my Bobness, only two people reviewed the first chapter. Well it did kinda suck, it was the splurge of the moment kind of thing. But this one... this one is planned out better I promise. devious grin I dedicate this one to both my me reviewers and I hope I get more for this one... oh and a forewarning... TWINCEST. STEAL MY IDEAS, I EAT YOU. FLAME ME, I HUNT YOU DOWN. Much love!

I TRIED HARD, MAN. REAL HARD. GOOD STUFF.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru or Kaoru. If I did, I would give them lingerie.

_**LINGERIE**_

_**By: Kit**_

---

"Is this really necessary?"

The question of the day, it seemed. Ever since they left the house, it has been the only sentence to leave Hikaru's lips. He sighed again and ran a hand through his boisterous hair, quickly glancing at himself in a window to see the extent of the damage. He felt his mood deteriorate further as a low growl escaped his mouth. He didn't even have enough time to decently style his hair before he was pushed, shoved, hauled and all those other lovely words out the door into their car. Image the immense disappointment to find they were not in their limo which had it's own mini salon in the back. You know, just in case the twins did not have enough time to prepare themselves properly in the morning. No, they were in the car Tamaki had given them as a gag gift. You may say, 'Well hell, that's the most awesome gag gift ever!' but it really wasn't. It was a 2004 Ferrari 360 Modena. And get this, it was USED! The horror! They were the laughing stock of the school for nearly two weeks. But by far, the worst part was the lack of salon equipment.

He grumbled to himself in annoyance and yawned, stumbling slightly as his younger twin yanking on his other hand. Kaoru walked with a certainty about him, darting in-between people walking too slow for his taste, not afraid to push some of the unruly little kids out of the way. Hikaru squirmed about slightly as his question, once again, went unanswered. It's true, they were in a public mall; Hikaru was manly enough to handle being mixed with commoners.

It didn't mean he inevitably enjoyed Kaoru random visits to the overpopulated shopping center.

"Kaoru, are we almost there?" he sighed, giving in to the will of his younger twin.

Kaoru always ended up getting what he wanted anyways. Why did today matter?

"Almost...almost..." he muttered, the hand clasping Hikaru's hand tightening briefly.

He has almost forgot they were holding hands. They always did it at school and at home and around their friends... but for some reason, when they were amongst common folk, they got peculiar looks every which way they went. Hikaru mused to himself for a moment, feeling the ends of his mouth curl downward into a frown. All he was doing was holding hands with his brother... Oh. Right, taboo. He grinned at an old woman who was currently staring at them and wrapped an arm around his brother's waist, leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Hikaru giggled slightly as the woman stumbled and tripped right into a vender trying to sell people his beauty products. Both went toppling to the ground, causing a round of gasps and shrieks to come from the surrounding people. Kaoru pouted and shooed his brother off of him.

"Stoppit, I'm on a mission here. We can play around later," he stated, face set with determination.

Hikaru just shrugged and tried to look innocent. It wasn't like he couldn't have his perks if he had to endure Kaoru randomness.

"Ah!" Kaoru finally murmured, finding what he was looking for.

He grinned at Hikaru and began jumping around excitedly.

"See, see?! I told you it was true! Didn't I? Just look, see?! Let's go in, I wanna see Mom's competition!"

The older twin felt his eyes grow wide as he remembered why exactly they came to a commoners mall in the first place. He gawked at the giant store in front of him and tried to ignore the practically naked mannequins displayed in the windows. Victoria's Secrets. Hikaru quickly dropped his head and blushed, allowing himself to be pulled into the store by Kaoru. Lingerie adorned every wall, in every color shape and design. There were some frilly, silky underwear of the most sundry texture. One minute soft and fluffy, the other minute lustrous and cool. There were some see through lingerie with cute little designs like bunnies trailing up the sides. There was some darker looking lingerie, sleek and sexy as they hugged the mannequins' bodies tightly. Every single piece had a hint of diverseness, giving it appeal to women who were too cheap to buy the expensive stuff but wanted to feel special, different than other women.

"Hikaru! Would you look at this one? It's like a mini see through dress! It only goes up to the navel! Would you believe Mom is actually starting a line of clothing similar to this?" Kaoru tittered, holding the flimsy cloth up to his body as if showing it off for his twin, "It makes me want to try it on!"

Hikaru felt the blush of his face deepen as he glanced around in a shifty way. He quickly reached up and snagged a brown wig off one of the mannequins. He set it on his brother's head and tucked in his natural ginger hair underneath the bouncy, curly locks. He grinned then stepped back, taking in his brother slightly confused and disgruntled expression.

"Well, you said you wanted to try one on. You have to be a girl to do so," he said, holding his fingers a certain angle to see what his brother looked like in a different light, "Your outfit makes you look like a cute, flat chested girl! You could totally pull it off!"

Kaoru's face lit into that of anger before Hikaru leaned forward and silenced him with a finger.

"Shhh, nobody noticed us yet," he whispered, grinning deviously, "This is like a game. Who can find out you're a boy first...?"

Hikaru smirked, seeing Kaoru expression change again dramatically to match his own. They smiled widely and began walking around the store hand in hand. Kaoru did a lovely job of acting the girl. He walked around with a sway in his hips, asking women in a gentle voice how much a certain thing cost and whether it would fit the contour of his body correctly.

"Is it a special night?" one worker asked with a smile, glancing over Kaoru's shoulder to look at Hikaru, "It's so cute that you came here with your boyfriend. My boyfriend wouldn't step foot in this store."

Hikaru smirked as his brother blushed slightly and giggled in a sweet, girlish way.

"Yes, he certainly is one of a kind," Kaoru said silkily, turning to look at his older brother, "I want to look my best for him."

Hikaru faulted slightly. He could have sworn he saw a hint of seriousness in Kaoru's eyes. He blinked only to find the two chatting in mellow voices. He watched in confusion as the woman began walking around, picking out an array of outfits, the next once more skimpy than the first. Kaoru just followed allow behind her with a small smile on his face, occasionally nodded or gasping in delight over the color or design. Hikaru smirked. He was having WAY too much fun with this, the older twin concluded.

"Feel free to use the dressing room and do a fashion show for your boyfriend," the woman stated once Kaoru's arms were full of a variety of lingerie.

She smirked and looked back at Hikaru who was staring skeptically at the two.

"I'll make sure nobody comes back here for a while... so please, take your time."

Kaoru smiled. Hikaru noted with a smirk it had his normal demonic look about it. Kaoru could never smile innocently.

"Thanks," he said, stepping into the changing room as soon as the woman left.

Hikaru stretched out on a couch and waited, laughing to himself.

"This is so great!" he said with excitement, "We so rock at this! Nobody would even suspect you of being a guy, Kaoru!"

Hikaru twirled his thumbed together and after a few seconds, rose to his feet to walk over to the dressing room.

"You can come out now, the lady's gone... Kaoru? What are you doing in there?" he asked, trying to peer over the top.

He heard the door unlatch and took a quick step back. He gasped and felt his heart immediately start pounding a little too quick for his liking as his twin stepped daintily out.

K-Kaoru..." he whispered, completely flabbergasted.

The wig now hung next to the other lingerie set on hangers, probably removed to put the clothes on leaving Kaoru's naturally orange hair to spike out. His twin stood before him, looking coy, adorned in one of the lingerie he had seen in the window on his way in. It was a soft pink dress, nearly see through of course, that went down to around his navel, flowing out in a cutesy sort of way. The small ruffles of white made up the small straps that slid over his shoulders with such sweetness and ease, making them appear smaller and much more effeminate. The same small ruffles were found on the bottom of the small dress, giving him a look similar to that of a porcelain doll. Hikaru gulped as Kaoru looked down at himself and twirled a little, causing the dress to fluff up and flow around in time to his movements. It was so adorable it made Hikaru want to cry. Mainly because it was like Kaoru was now a skimpy doll!

"It's so cute!" Kaoru squealed, twirling around and around to see the dress fluff up and coil with him, "It almost feels like I'm wearing nothing! Isn't it cute Hikaru!? I'm going to try on another one!"

Hikaru almost felt his knees give out as his twin skipped back into the dressing room. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he couldn't seem to get that darn blush off his face even when he tried to think of something different... like Tamaki in pain or something. He quickly cupped his face in his hands and tried to shake out the image of his twin in lingerie. He was so cute and angelic looking. So adorable! Hikaru dropped to his butt in horror. He just said his brother in lingerie was delectable. How wrong was that?!

"Hikaru? What do you think of this one?"

Hikaru looked and nearly died on the spot. Now his brother looked like a dominatrix! Err... well... yeah... he now had on a formfitting black leather outfit. Hikaru vaguely thought it looked like a bathing suit, only much more sexier... It hugged Kaoru in all the right ways and as his brother turned around in a circle to admire himself, Hikaru noted that it made his bottom much more curvy and cute. The multitude of zippers gave it an edgy appeal and as Kaoru unzipped the top a little to reveal his small chest, Hikaru began to feel his mind turn to mush. The knee-high boots also gave it a nice touch; it made his twin at least a little taller, extenuating his naturally smaller frame.

"Mmm, this one's a little too rough for me. And it's hard to move in," Kaoru muttered, walking back into the dressing room.

Hikaru slowly found his way back to his feet. He felt completely out of it. It was just a little too much to see his little brother turned into a completely adorable, sexy love god in a matter of ten minutes. He walked over to the dressing room and carefully leaned again the door.

"Kaoru...open up," he muttered softly.

"Why, what's up?" Kaoru asked, unlocking the door with ease and opening it.

He gasped as his brother stumbled in and accidentally pinned him against the wall. He didn't even have a chanced to pull on his next outfit; it now hung somewhat distortedly off his body, the deep crimson flowing around him like blood. Kaoru bore a shocked face as he felt Hikaru rest his hand on his exposed thigh, rubbing small warm circles over the skin.

"H-Hikaru, what are you doing?" the younger twin questioned anxiously, moaning slightly as Hikaru grabbed his chin with his other hand and pressed forward a little bit so that their bodies meshed.

"You look so hot in those outfits, Kaoru," Hikaru mumbled huskily, bending down to kiss his brother's neck.

Kaoru voice caught in his throat as he leaned back, only allowing more excess to Hikaru. He whimpered slightly as he felt Hikaru's hand rub a little higher up on his thigh, gently tracing patterns across his skin. His twin took that opportunity to shift Kaoru slightly so that his legs parted slightly, giving him room to get closer still.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru gasped as he wrapped his arms around his brother's neck.

The older twin smirked and pressed again Kaoru again, causing the younger of the two to moan and blush a brilliant shade of red. The flimsy material did nothing to suppress the excessive amounts of heat that Hikaru was emitting. He smirked as he felt his pants grow a little tighter. It figures, he was getting off on his twin brother in lingerie. Oh well. Hikaru smiled and kissed Kaoru's cheek, pulling back to admire his brother then go back in and give him a quick kiss on his plump open lips. Kaoru panted slightly and moaned as he felt Hikaru's hand fondle his bottom, trying desperately to find the elastic which kept him secure in his frilly under garments. Hikaru continued to press his twin against the wall roughly, enjoying the way Kaoru's body seemed to move with his. He smirked against Kaoru lips when he felt his brother lift his legs to wrap around his waist. He gripped his twin tighter and groped his bottom, finally finding the waistband. He smiled smugly and slipped his fingers inside, beginning to pull off the lacy underwear as their kisses became more forceful, brave.

It was all a matter of seconds now.

Kaoru was a moaning mess of ecstasy and Hikaru loved the way the lingerie was slipping so sexily from his body with every rock of their bodies.

It was only a matter of seconds...

...just a bit more and they would...

"I brought a few more of our more popular brand, I figure nothing could be too great a price for the big night!" the woman from earlier sang, bustling into the room with an arm full of clothes.

All three paused upon noticing each other. Kaoru blushed a bright red and Hikaru looked sincerely guilty.

The woman nodded and quickly turned her head to the side, setting the clothes down on a nearby chair. She smiled and quickly left the room.

"Tonight certainly WILL be a special night, huh?"

---_**End**_

A/N: REVIEWS MAH PRETTIES!!!


	3. Roller Coaster

A/N: I saw a roller coaster on my vacation and this is what I got. Oo Lovely, isn't it? Hahahaha... ha... Sorry if you get like, meh, that was only 'ok'. I've been having a wandering mind and its been turned on Deathnote. I simply adore writing Near and Mello... stuff... yeah, but I promise to work hard to finish this little blah. Oh, and there's a little Haruhi OOCness. Good stuff. And as for the smutt... Well, I don't think it should be rated M cause they don't actually DO anything in description and well, frankly, I've read worse! D Same logic applies to 'Lingerie'

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High school Host Club. Neither do you, or anybody else who might read this... hopefully the artist person won't read this... mah.

---

_**Roller Coaster Fun**_

---

"Oh wow."

Of course, those were the only words to describe what she was feeling at the moment. And what possibly could there be more to say? The sight ahead of her was enough to make her short cropped hair curl. Haruhi turned and gave the host club her best skeptical look.

"You know, when I told you what I wanted for my birthday, I was being sarcastic," she droned on, rolling her eyes as the group of boys stood beaming away in their pride.

Haruhi sighed and allowed her gaze to fall back on the monstrous contraption. A roller coaster. No loops to make her stomach coil, no sharp turns to throw her from the cart, only high enough to be stimulating... mainly just an up and down thrill ride. Exactly like the one she rode with her dad at that carnival he took her to for her fourth birthday. The girl stooped forward and inspected the coaster, nearly feeling faint when she realized it was the precise same ride.

"You guys BOUGHT the roller coaster from my fourth birthday party!?" she practically exploded, scowling darkly as the group began to croon with excitement.

"ISN'T IT MARVELOUS!?!? ONLY THE BEST FOR MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!!!" Tamaki sang in joy, going over to pull Haruhi into his loving father death grip, "MOMMY SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW FOR NEALY 3 DAYS TO FIND THE EXACT SAME ONE!!! Your heartfelt story about how you and your real father enjoyed this ride together when you really had no money to spare on amusement simply touched my heart! Now I want to make those same memories with yo--"

It was then Kyouya stepped forward and shoved Tamaki roughly to the side, giving Haruhi his best pleasant smile. The blonde began to bawl in the background, completely forgotten.

"Of course, the labor you put me through was excruciating," he began, giving the poor girl a horrid plunge in the sea of guilt, "...and whereas this was going to be a gift from us all, the extra necessities this hunt cost us will be deducted from your wages... don't worry, it shouldn't take you more than... hmm, about 16 months for you to pay me back?"

Haruhi cringed then rubbed her forehead. Naturally...

"Thanks for the lovely gift then," she seethed, knowing all too well that even if she asked them to return the ride, she would still have to pay Kyouya back.

The shadow King had no mercy. She pelted forward as a soft comforting weight launched itself against her back.

"HARU-CHAN'S GOING TO RIDE WITH ME FIRST!!" Hunny piped, giggling merrily as he began to hop up and down, "Just as long as we don't go fast... fast scares me and Bun-Bun... then again so does heights... and even the wait to get up there and oh... WAHHH!!!! HARU-CHAN, IT'S SO SCARY!!!!! I know! Let's go on the merry-go-round and eat funnel cake!"

Haruhi shrugged dully and set the small boy in Mori's awaiting arms. She stared up at the tall boy then patted his hand.

"Why don't YOU take Hunny-sempai on the marry-go-round. Spinning makes me nauseous," she stated, looking around at the other collection of carnival rides, "Not like you couldn't find SOMETHING enjoyable to do here... I hope I'm not paying for any of those..."

"Hey Hey! And guess what Hikaru and I did, Haruhi!"

The brunette turned her attention to the two boys holding hands, grinning away at her with deviousness. The younger of the twins clapped his hands together, simply swooning over his and his brother's work.

"We fixed it up a bit to make it extra special!" he smirked, draping an arm around Haruhi's shoulder as his brother wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Most definitely, only the best for Tamaki's 'precious' dauuuggghhhttteerrrr," Hikaru teased, looking smugly at his blonde friend as he snuggled against the girl's cheek.

Tamaki's face flushed in anger.

"HEY HEY SHE'S MY DAUGHTER YOU TAKE YOUR CRUDY HANDS OFF OF HE--"

"What did you guys do to it?" Haruhi asked bluntly, completely disregarded the blonde and the twins' antics.

Tamaki began to bawl again.

"Ah..."

Kaoru smiled slyly and slinked over to his brother, enveloping him in a hug.

"That's the best part..." he murmured, gently running his hand down the side of Hikaru's face, toying with his hair, "Hikaru and I never seem to get in enough 'us' time."

Haruhi snorted as Hikaru nodded his head rapidly, as if the two didn't see each other enough at home, in school, at the host club... Kaoru snapped his fingers together; bring the girl back to attention to see the new attachment to the roller coaster.

"This..." he began, opening the side compartment to dazzle everyone with all the gizmos and gadgets inside.

The host club stared. Haruhi stared. Hunny danced around and ate his funnel cake.

"That's nice, what does it do?" she asked, almost immediately regretting her question.

The twin hooted in superiority. Great... she had just given them an ego boost that they most certainly did not need... just because they knew how to work the mechanism and none of the others did... lovely.

"Why it's merely science, my dear Haruhi," the younger twin stated, commencing with his 'lessons', "You see, you push this button here, crank that gadget over there and pull this level over here and wa la!"

The coaster began to start up but displayed no unique traits whatsoever. It just followed along its path as intended... and Haruhi was too afraid to ask again what its purpose was for fear she would open a whole new lecture... and the first one was obviously still unfinished as Hikaru stepped in.

"Of course, you simple mortals wouldn't understand the beauty of it because you can't see the difference!" he chortled with much pleasure.

Haruhi sighed and threw her hands up in the air.

"Would you CARE to enlighten me Almighty Ones?" she inquired dramatically with much hinted sarcasm.

Sarcasm, she hoped, they would catch as not to give their egos an even bigger boost.

"Simple. It makes the ride go on longer than the typical minute or two," Kaoru pointed out, extending a finger to the dial she just now noticed had a bright neon green number.

Which flashed annoyingly in her face.

Hikaru beamed and clicked a button, making the number increase from 2 to 10.

"See See?! I just programmed the ride to last eight minutes longer than it would have gone naturally. Now we can ride the ride however long we want without having to get off and wait in line again!" he tittered in his glee, going over to embrace his brother as if in congratulations.

"You're brilliant."

"No you're brilliant, Hikaru."

"Oh ho but you're much more _brilliant_ in other areas Kaoru."

"Aha but Hikaru, you're simply _brilliant_ in that area as well."

"Sex fiends," Tamaki muttered under his breath, clinging to a rather bored looking Kyouya.

The twins turned to look at the blonde listlessly.

"We were talking about the area of FASHION, my lord," Kaoru said brusquely, sniffing irritably at the boy as the two walked by him.

Hikaru snorted.

"Pervert," he muttered just loud enough for Tamaki to hear, grabbing Haruhi as they made their way up the steps to the roller coaster.

The blonde leaped into action, grabbing Kyouya by the hand.

"We can't let our wonderful super amazingly sensitive daughter sit next to those demented scoundrels, right Mommy?! Right!? They'd corrupt her!" Tamaki declared woefully, half pulling, half dragging the other boy up the flight of stairs.

"If it would raise our profits..." Kyouya grumbled jadedly.

The twins laughed and shoved Haruhi into a seat as soon as the coaster pulled into its slot.

"Well since there is only two people per cart, Haruhi is going to have to sit alone," Hikaru confirmed as Tamaki and Kyouya ascended to the top step.

"Because how on earth would it be fair if only Hikaru or I could sit next to her? And we are most certainly NOT letting YOU sit next to her Tono," Kaoru said conceitedly, smirking as Tamaki's face drooped.

Naturally, he was going to propose the idea that he should sit next to Haruhi... after all, he was her daddy. The twins would not have it.

"I don't mind," the girl stated, only more to Tamaki's dismay, "It's more exciting by yourself."

"Then it's settled," Hikaru said slyly, "Tamaki's with Kyouya, Haruhi's by herself and Kaoru and I are together."

"I WANNA SIT IN THE FRONT!!" Kaoru suddenly squealed, grabbing his brother and pulling him to the top cart.

The others shrugged and took their places in the seats directly or somewhat near the overly animated look-alikes. Haruhi sighed in her misery. Stuck on a ride with three idiots and a potential serial killer... life couldn't get much better. The ride suddenly started, pulling the girl from her train of thought. She gulped and clung to the safety bar, abruptly reminded of how high roller coasters actually got, despite what they seemed to appear on the ground.

"Ouuu, this is going to go for about ten minutes, huh?"

Haruhi awoke from her daze long enough to hear the voice of Kaoru drift around her ears.

"Yup... so you know what that means..."

"Oh Hikaru! I'm so excited! It's going to be so erotic to do _that_ on a roller coaster!"

"Yeah and ten minutes should be plenty of time..."

Were her ears deceiving her? Haruhi quickly stuck her pinky in her ear and wriggled it then rubbed her eyes soon after. She nearly gasped when she saw Kaoru unbuckle himself to straddle his twin's hips. THAT WASN'T SAFE!! She craned her neck around to see the reaction of her companions, just to be sure she wasn't just seeing or hearing things. Tamaki held the gaze of a doe with wide Bambi like eyes and Kyouya... well... he didn't count. Haruhi turned swift enough to realize they were beginning their descent. The girl grabbed the safety bar and opened her mouth to shriek.

"Oh god!" she was about to yell, only to realize the words were already being screamed... she quickly blinked and shot a glance towards the twins. Kaoru currently had his arms wrapped fiercely around Hikaru's neck... his face was securely hidden in Hikaru's hair however. Haruhi was about to confirm that the shout had come from the younger of the two when Hikaru suddenly bucked upward and cried out again.

"Oh god Kaoru!"

Kaoru glanced up upon hearing his name, softly licking at the skin he had just clamped down on, accidentally biting it as they rounded a sharp turn. He smirked at Haruhi's stunned expression and slowly trailed his tongue up the side of Hikaru's neck, ending the seductive antic by turning his brother's head roughly and giving him a long passionate kiss on the lips.

Haruhi gasped as they rounded another corner and began diving again. In her frenzy, she turned around in her seat to see if Tamaki had witnessed what she had. She gaped in frustration when the only thing she saw was a frightened blonde whining and crying on a very disgruntled looking Kyouya. The girl shifted back around in her seat with just enough time to avoiding seeing the wrath of the demon lord.

She immediately regret her action.

Haruhi nearly blanched when she saw Hikaru's hand sneak, with a purpose, up Kaoru's shirt. The younger twin shivered and moaned in ecstasy, gasping in delight as they made a third roundabout, causing Hikaru's touch to waver unexpectedly down towards his navel. Kaoru smirked as his brother grabbed the back of his head and forced his mouth open. Haruhi felt a weird knot begin to form in the pit of her stomach as the two engaged in more intimate play of kisses.

"Oh..! Oh, Hikaru!"

Haruhi felt her cheeks burn as Kaoru shuddered shamelessly.

"Ah, w-wha? Already? But ah... AH! Hikarrrruuuuuuu!"

"Hehe, you like that don't you my naughty little twin?"

The girl leaned against the inside of the cart and hugged herself tightly, praying that the ride would end soon.

"Oh! Hikaru, yes! Yessss!"

She glanced at her watch. If she was correct, this would be the last round...

"The ride's a-almost over... ugh..."

"Ahhh, no! Keep going! We're almost through!"

Just about 30 more seconds...

"Faster Hikaru faster!"

"Mmm... you're so tight Kaoru..."

She was going straight to the bathroom after this...

Haruhi sighed in relief as they abruptly came to a stop but quickly felt that relief be replaced with unmatchable revulsion as Kaoru gave a sudden scream of satisfaction.

"GET. ME. OFF," she shrieked, shaking from head to toe as she struggled to un-strap herself from her safety belt.

Tamaki attempted to free her only to nearly be bitten by the suddenly crazed girl.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!! KEEP AWAY!! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS I SAW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!" she shouted, leaping from the cart and making a run towards the bathroom.

She fell promptly to her butt as she ran headlong into the twins, completely fine and refreshed looking. Kaoru stooped to her level and offered her a hand.

"Are you ok, Haruhi?" he asked softly, a hint of concern in his voice.

Haruhi jumped to her feet, eyes wide in confusion as she quickly rounded the two.

"W-why aren't your clothes soiled... why are they so neat and tidy!? Where's the bite mark on your neck Hikaru!?"

The brunette darted over to their cart and immediately searched for foul play.

"Your cart's completely clean," she uttered in disbelief, zipping back over to the twins flabbergasted, "YOUR CART'S COMPLETELY CLEAN!!!"

"And why wouldn't it be?" Hikaru asked in a dull voice, glancing down at his nails.

Haruhi blinked wide disbelieving eyes at the two then turned to look at Tamaki and Kyouya... who, in turn, were looking at her with mild concern.

"Maybe we should get you out of the sun Haruhi," Tamaki said, taking on a serious tone as he reached out to take the girl's hand.

She rapidly recoiled and pointed a finger at the twins.

"I SAW YOU!!! I HEARD YOU!! You can't fool me!!" she said in a shrill voice, "You were doing the dirty! See!? If I hit Kaoru here it will hurt 'cause he was the one being dominated!"

Haruhi, uncharacteristically, whapped Kaoru on the bottom and expected the twin to cringe or collapse in sudden pain. When he didn't Haruhi felt an odd sort of feeling envelope her.

"That's my butt!" the boy chimed brightly.

The feeling, of course, being stupidity.

"I think I want to go home now," Haruhi muttered, completely mystified, taking Tamaki's hand as he offered to lead her down the stairs.

"Don't worry Haruhi! You may be cyn-nick-kal about your ride on the roller coaster but hey, it was worth it for one day right?! I mean, I wet my pants, you start seeing things, it's all cool," the blonde carried on, only pausing to whine at Kyouya as he tripped him down the steps.

"Don't use words your don't know, retard."

"HEY! I KNOW WHAT… CYN-TACK-TAL MEANS!!"

Kaoru smirked as Hikaru glanced at him.

"That... was... SO GREAT!" he whooped, giving his twin a high five.

"She totally thought we were having sex on a roller coaster!" Kaoru giggled, "As if we would do that in public, sex stays in the bedroom. Now she thinks she's crazy! This is like... the best thing ever!"

"But seriously Kaoru, you nearly made me orgasm out there," the elder twin smirked.

"Oh shush, Hikaru, you flatter me," Kaoru tittered softly, giggling slightly as he began walking down the stairs.

"No, sincerely, your moaning was so realistic. You're getting so good at it! You're brilliant."

"No, you're brilliant Hikaru."

"I love you."

"I know, it's because I'm brilliant."

--_**Fin**_


	4. Fairytales

A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update this but life is getting pretty complicated and well, to be perfectly honest, most of my writing revolves around Deathnote right now! (bows) Sorry! But yeah, it's pretty awesome, that anime. So I decided to jazz it up with some humor. I think I will post that story soon too. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, I was like, uber random!

_**---Fairytales---**_

Once upon a time, in a school not nearly so unknown and most certainly not underprivileged, stood a castle. Yes, a castle, with many levels of elegancy and many servants waiting to serve; right there in that very school, in the third floor music room to be precise.

In that castle with many levels and many servants, conveniently all put into one sole music room, was a prestige and wealthy family of four... and a bodyguard and a bunny.

There was the King and Queen; both masters at handling difficult affairs retaining to their businesses of providing only the finest women in the land with happiness and entertainment in their otherwise dull lives. The King was a simple man, a man of dignity and airiness to him that made him rather refreshing. He always engaged with the women personally, taking into account each and every one of their individual needs, making him a very fine king indeed. His wild blonde hair and deep, easily moved blue eyes contrasted very dramatically with the looks of his Queen. A shadow of sorts, always lurking behind the king in all his wooing, taking notes on how to better their business and make it thrive. Her dark hair and cool eyes, hidden behind wired frames, were a reflection of her somewhat darker and cold inner self. However, the king did not mind, he loved his Queen dearly and always told her so, and the women of their business looked up and respected her.

And of course, there was the bodyguard and bunny. The guardian of the King and Queen stood tall, much taller than all the rest. A quiet man of little words and dark features whom always carried with him a little bunny. The bunny was small and adorable, causing the women of the land to woo over him constantly. His large childish eyes and primp blonde hair only gave him more of an appearance of a young boy.

However, this story is not about the King or Queen, nor is it about the bunny or the bodyguard.

No, this story is about the final two of the super rich family that lives in a castle in a school not so unknown and most certainly not underprivileged.

Those two being the young princes of the land, twins to say the least.

Prince Hikaru and Prince Kaoru.

The two, both redheads by nature and sadistic by genetics, lived happily in the castle with their mother and father, the King and Queen. They had the luxury to do as they pleased, day in and day out, whether it be tormenting the prisoners with foolish pranks, causing mayhem amongst the lady customers, who swooned at their uncivilized appearance every so often, or simply outwitting the bunny and the bodyguard whom so desperately tried to keep them in line. The two were happy, yes, with their lives but more so, with each other.

Whenever they were caught and got in trouble, they were there together, holding hands tightly, bracing for the harsh words and bitter punishment.

Whenever they were alone, completely forgotten amongst the important businesses that kept them so prosperous, they had each other to embrace and comfort.

Whenever they were being crooned over, surrounded by a sea of women who were fake and not even really _looking_ at them, they had each other to make things better, to keep each other preoccupied so as not to be frightened by the others' empty eyes.

Yes, the two little princes were happy and loved each other dearly.

More so than any other person in the world, even their mother and father.

But on one fateful day, the Queen caught her King being particularly affectionate with a newcomer, an almost genderless being with crude, straightforward words that were both harmful and helpful all in the small breath. The Queen knew instantly her King was swayed by the being's strange, but drawing personality. Hurt by his infatuation, the Queen vowed that if he were to be led astray again by the 'girl' with simplistic actions and living standards, she would take one of their children and leave forever.

The King most certainly did not want that so he struggled to make his Queen happy.

However, he just couldn't pry himself away from the primitive girl.

True to her vow, the Queen gathered her things and grabbed the twin closest to her at the time... Prince Kaoru.

Despite how he screamed and begged and pleaded to his mother to let him stay, she just couldn't stand the disappointment of leaving her beloved King with both his Princes.

Prince Hikaru tired vainly to snatch his twin away, yelling obscenities and kicking and clawing away at the bodyguard who stood between him and his beloved brother on the Queen's command. He cried and shouted, reaching for his twin as he fought against their mother, crying as well.

Though to no avail could they get the Queen to stop.

She swiftly took her things and Prince Kaoru to one of their many resorts, most commonly used to house their women guests and paid customers to help them relax and recover from illness.

For many days, Prince Kaoru sat staring out the window, crying himself to sleep and waking almost every morning with a thunderous headache. He missed his twin dearly and the Queen took notice, forbidding him to step foot out of their sanctuary to see his brother or the King. With a smile, she said Prince Kaoru could run away if he so wished it, however, he would then end up being hounded by the Queen's secret army and brought back to her, only to be forced to live in the dungeon. Prince Kaoru opted to stay, cringing at the fact his mother could say such a thing with such a cheerful face.

No, he did not leave. He sat by his window, slowing wasting away due to his lack of concern for himself and mourning of his brother. It seemed as though nothing could ever bring up his spirits, he was dwindling to nothing but skin and bones and though he knew his brother was faring much better than he, he couldn't help but wonder vaguely if his twin felt the same. Lost, alone, desolate...

Then one night, as if brought by the wishing of Prince Kaoru, Hikaru showed up at his window, tapping softly against the glass. Flinging it open and climbing out rather erratically, Kaoru reached for his brother's warm embrace, immediately bursting into tears when Hikaru held him firmly in his arms as if he would never let him go again. Hikaru tried to dwindle his cries with gentle words and soft kisses, smiling tenderly at his sweet sweet brother whom only wept so much for him.

They stayed together like that all night, exchanging stories of their hardships and devising plots to get the Queen and King to be happy with each other once more. Hikaru explained that he could not come every night, the King had guards on him almost all the time... but he would come as frequently and as many times as possible. And with a final kiss, he was gone, blending in with the darkness of the night.

Kaoru smiled as he hulled himself into his bed, assurance of another visit still fresh in his mind.

And as he promised, Hikaru came by night to see him and tell him story after story about what Kaoru was missing in the castle and what adventures they would go on once he came back. At those times, Kaoru was the happiest. He loved watching the way his brother became animated in his storytelling, gripping his twin's body closely as he sat in his lap. And every night, when it was time to depart, Kaoru left his twin with a single kiss to the lips, as if reminding him of his promise. Hikaru would smile, rest a hand against Kaoru's cheek then turn and flee into the night.

Everything seemed to have taken a turn.

Until one night.

Hikaru had come and Kaoru had been waiting, however, the elder twin was more unrelenting and fretful then normal.

"Kaoru, come quick and I will steal you away tonight! But he have to go NOW!" he had said hastily, grabbing his twin's hand in an urgent manner.

"Are you crazy? I can't leave, you know that!" he answered in a shrill voice, shaken by his brother's want to escape so sudden.

He had the faintest urge to pull his hand out of his brother's grip. Hikaru gazed mournfully into Kaoru's eyes, giving his hand a soft squeeze as he struggled to find words. Kaoru stared worriedly back, nearly crying out in shock as Hikaru reeled back suddenly and stole into the night, never turning back once to see his twin's confused expression.

Hikaru came, once or twice after that, talking to Kaoru with a little less pizzazz in his normally lively voice and holding him with a little less care. His mind, even when he was talking, always seemed to be elsewhere and he grew distant and forlorn. When Kaoru tried to look at him, he cast his head downward and when Kaoru tried to kiss his sweet prince good-bye, Hikaru looked away. Eventually, his stories revolved around nothing but the girl whom had enticed the King. And in these moments, Kaoru noticed Hikaru would get a spark in his eye and his voice would no longer be as dull. Then finally...

Hikaru stopped coming.

Kaoru had wept the hardest that dark lonely day when he realized his twin may never return again.

His mother, despite her rough appearance and sharp edge, comforted her son in the only way she knew how. She bought him thousands upon thousands of toys and constructive things to do. He didn't give them a second glance. She hired all the finest chefs to make only the nicest and most rare cuisine the land had to offer. He touched nothing. She bought him councilors and dream annotators to try and lift his spirit and better understand him. He would not open his mouth or mind to them.

It was not that the Queen was not trying hard enough. Not at all, for in those days, she tried the hardest.

What the Queen did not know was that no amount of money spent could possibly buy the thing Kaoru truly yearned for.

Money could not buy happiness.

Finally, after losing sleep over the matter herself, the Queen called for the King. She knew of nothing else she could do, she just couldn't understand Kaoru. She just couldn't understand her own son.

The King welcomed them back with open arms, his heart as pure and gay as when they had left him. He cradled and hugged his most precious son as soon as he staggered through the door, calling his pet name to him over and over again. Kaoru smiled and embraced the King back, finally realizing how much he had sorely missed the warmth and love of his father. After he was assured that Kaoru was fawned over enough for his taste, the King turned to his Queen and stared deeply into her composed, dark eyes.

The younger Prince smiled faintly as his father reached for his mother, gently tugging her to his arms where his supported her slightly trembling frame.

He knew then that all had been forgiven.

He turned down a hallway, gently running his hands across the cool, marble walls in remembrance. Everything seemed so strange and different to the boy as he glanced at old paintings and patterned carpets; their once lively castle now seemed big and lonely.

Turning a corner far too familiar, the young boy gazed at the door of his bedroom, gently tracing his name which he had carved into the wood when he and his brother were but five years of age. When he had finished outlining the last letter, he let his sight fall on the second name right beside it. Resting his palm against his brother's name, Kaoru's shoulders shook slightly with suppressed sobs. He was here. He was back. But where was Hikaru?

A placid hand came to rest on his arm, causing Kaoru to reel back in surprise. He straightened his slumped figure and turned, coming face to face with someone he knew instantly was the one who stole away from him his everything. He wanted to scowl or yell or run away but instead, found himself awestricken by the girl before him, gently blinking wide passive eyes at him.

"If you're looking for him, he's not in there," she said unhurriedly, making Kaoru highly uncomfortable by her scouring gaze, "Hikaru I mean, he's not in the room."

Kaoru curled his hand into a fist, trembling slightly in rage. Of course _she_ would know where his beloved was. Of course! Of course! How foolish of him to think he knew his own brother better than his lover!

"... You must be Kaoru then."

The boy grunted in response, not really bothering to acknowledge her anymore than he possibly had to. The girl eased her hair behind her ear with a quick stroke of her hand, chuckling slightly. The boy sulked. Now she was laughing at him.

"You are being childish, I would have mistaken you for Hikaru if I hadn't known he was out. He was also so immature and juvenile, yes, you are acting a lot like him."

"Well aren't you just a hypocritical little harlot, you take the one thing I treasure most in the world then try to bash him when he's not swooning over you? You're sick," Kaoru screamed, advancing on the girl so that he had her backed into a corner of the hallway, "How could you do that to him!? When you mean so much..."

Kaoru stopped when he noticed the girl's unfazed expression. He seethed then pulled away from her, about to walk off when a small but sturdy hand leapt out and clung to his shirt, keeping him locked in place.

"You think I mean a lot to Hikaru?" she said in a small, sardonic voice, "When all he ever bothered to talk to me about was of you...?"

Kaoru's eyes shot open in surprise. Hikaru... only talk to her about him?

"He loves you, and judging from you loath towards me, I'd say you love him just as much. He's been a wreck since the day you refused to run away with him, we had made all the arrangements necessary..."

Kaoru blinked, stunned.

"You helped him...?"

The girl snorted and gave the prince a small glare.

"Of course. Two people who love each other very much so never be separated. He's waiting for you, you should go to him."

And he did just that. The two had embraced and cried together long into the night, refusing to see anyone outside themselves. The girl was right, Hikaru was a mess of confusion when Kaoru had stumbled upon him. He knew the instant he saw him that his brother needed him just as much as he needed his brother. In a few days, it almost appeared as if nothing happened. The girl disappeared not long afterwards, claiming she had to take her sorcery elsewhere to aid people wrongly accused on crimes. The King and Queen were happy once more and made more of a profit by telling their customers of their marital tribulations. The bodyguard and the bunny eloped and were never heard from again (outside the occasional missing pastry).

And they all lived happily ever after...

---

Hikaru gently sat the typed papers down on the coffee table, turning his skeptical gaze to his twin who stood, eagerly beaming, next to him. Tamaki's jaw had dropped all the way to the floor. Haruhi was shaking her head in the far corner while Mori simply stared, dumbfounded, at the wall. Hunny was pouting. Kyouya was smirking away, the normally active pen and black notebook stored away in a conveniently placed bag around his shoulder.

"Well," Kaoru drawled, "What do you guys think? Instant classic, right!?"

Hikaru sighed and rubbed his temples, going over to rest a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"For the last time, Kaoru, I don't like Haruhi that way. If you wanted to get this all out of your system, you should have just talked to us instead of writing this 'story' and making our lives seem like some sort of Spanish Soap Opera," he said somewhat slowly, hoping it would all sink into his brother's thick skull.

Kaoru frowned, puffing out his cheeks and giving a soft huff.

"I was just expressing myself creatively!"

"MY HARUHI WITH HIKARU!?!? NO NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER, DADDY WON'T ALLOW IT!!!" Tamaki ranted, pointing an accusing finger at Kaoru, "AND YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY!!! AS IF I SEPARATE YOU TWO!!! HA! YOU'RE LUCKY I LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!"

Kyouya gently pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, obviously amused by the whole scenario.

"Cheating on me again, are you Tamaki? Your 'Queen' is very displeased."

"Ah! Mommy, stop it! Haruhi doesn't count!!"

"Oh, I don't count now, do I senpai?"

"AH!! Not Haruhi it's not what it seems like!!!"

"Oh really Tamaki, so there IS something going on between the two of you...? I'm heartbroken."

"AHH!!! KYOUYA!!!! STOPPIT!!"

Kaoru pouted and grumpily sat into a chair, watching as his twin begin to engage in the now heated accusations match, only flustering the poor 'King' more. He shifted and looked at the two not saying anything, his eyebrows furrowing crossly at having his story be rejected.

"It was a good story, wasn't it Mori-senpai? Right, Hunny-senpai? It was a good story," he grumbled, slumping his face against the palm of his hand in discontent.

Hunny shrugged and proceeded to eat his cake merrily.

"It was a good story, Kao-chan. I was a bunny, like Usa-chan!!"

Kaoru then turned to Mori.

"What did you think about it, Mori-senpai?"

Mori shrugged and continued to look at the wall.

"I think I better start planning for my wedding."

_**---End**_

A/N: Review and give me ideas for another chapter! I'm fresh outta idears! TT I hope you all liked this. And if I had mistakes, MAH BAD!!!11!!1!1rfmsebh!


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